Intentional Relationships

We have talked all through this course about how divorce is very predictable.  Success in marriage is also predictable.  Couples on the brink of divorce and happily married couples both have on average, about 10 difficulties or challenges.  So really we control our circumstances. 

In one of my other classes we talked about how both have to give 90% and only expect 10% in return and it will always work out.  We can make intentional steps through each stage in life.  We cannot just be passive and slide through life or we will continue in destructive patterns. 

Parenting & Respect

We have been watching active parenting videos from Michael Popkin this week.  Something that stood out to me was that parents are to treat their teens with respect.  When parents respect their children, it prepares them for every other relationship they will have in life.  One of the best ways to do that is to use "I messages."  "I messages" have 4 steps:

1. Start with saying, "I have a problem with..." Focus on the problem being the enemy- not the teen.
2. Tell the teen how the problem leaves you feeling.  They need to learn how their actions effect others.
3. Tell them the reasons behind your feelings. "Because..." 
4. Finally, reiterate what you would like the teen to do.

Work and Love

Over the past two weeks I have had many impressions that I've recorded. I have been having a difficult time deciding what to share here.  I decided I'll just do some bullet points of what is appropriate to share:

• We have to learn codes of others to be able to connect with them.
• You can't rely on leftover time to meet the needs of your children.  We have to make time!
• The most important counsels are those that can and should happen in the home.
• The entire family has to work together to get to know each other effectively.
• When you work alongside someone, you are able to see their strengths and weaknesses. You are also given an opportunity to bond.
• Work has a greater power on children than play.
• The wold measures good parenting on what the child's future occupation is.
• When we really love someone we will work for them.

Crisis

The Chinese symbol for crisis is danger and opportunity put next to each other.  So when we are in a crisis there is a threat to our safety and an opportunity to grow. 

I was thinking about crises in my family and which ones I have really grown from and why.  The answer is using proper coping strategies.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, I turned to my family and the Lord.  As a family we knew that we could handle this.  Many times we get a bit discouraged, but we still know that we will make it through because we are talking about it and facing the fact that this is really happening to our family.  That has helped me get to know my family better.  This isn't a crisis that is just affecting me, it affects my entire family.